Sunday, September 13, 2009

BLAH!

OK, so here goes. I have wanted to blog, but what is going on with me is not happy so I just keep pushing it aside. I can't push it aside anymore, and I need to get it out. I'm mad. And bitter. I'm not mad at my husband or my kids, work is good, it's none of the normal culprits, but I am so angry just the same. Tonight at church, people were talking about how great things are, and about being on a high, but I'm in a valley. Someone really hurt my feelings. It isn't the first time this person has done this, and I am not the only person whose feelings have been hurt. I actually had finally gotten over this person hurting me when they did it again. And I know that they don't even know they did, and I truly don't think they would care if they did know. I don't think there is any good in going to them about it, because if they cared, it wouldn't have happened. But this stupid little petty problem has really soured my attitude about everything. Something that I was so excited about has been crushed for me. I feel used and unappreciated. It took me years to dig out of my self-imposed hole but just a moment to bury myself back into it. I absolutely feel like I can not function. And what really stinks is I know this person isn't worth what I'm going through, and what happened is really not a big deal. At some point, I'll get up and I'll get over it, but I am so not there yet. So, there, I got it out of my head and onto the page. I just wish I could get it out of my heart.

5 comments:

Angel said...

Maybe the best thing is for you to go to this person and let them know how you feel. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact it is Biblical! Communication is always the key. After you have let them know how you feel the ball will now be in the court! And the rest is up to them. But at least you were up front and honest about your feelings and that person will know were you stand. All done in love of course!

Don't let Satan steal your joy:)

meganluttrull said...

Any time I hear someone is feeling this way I panick thinking it must be me. Probably because I am way too good at putting my foot in my mouth.
So, I'll start with, if I said anything to hurt your feelings - I'm sorry. And you can come tell me because I would care.
I hope you begin to feel better very soon. And I hope it wasn't me that made you feel bad.

steph said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
steph said...

Sorry I messed up my last comment trying to log in :)
Cathryn, I care about you so much adn it hurts my heart to see you be sad. Please call me. Iagree with Angel, go to that person and talk about it. that is so hard, but so necessary! God always leads us to reconciliation, and your right, they may not even know they have hurt you!

Andy said...

So I am probably the only guy posting on this blog but that's okay I guess:) Well I definantly have experianced the very same thing over the last year or two multiple times,even with very close friends. So what I am going to share with you is not preaching it is just what I have learned about church and people in the last two years of my life. When we are hurt like this it is very natural for us to put up a shield and speculate the reasoning and the motive if any, and in this case it does not sound like a personal attack. It sounds like something hit a nerve, and that is exactly what Satan wants to happen. Usually when we are hurt it is by someone close or at least semi-close to us, because if they were not close to us then we would not really care what they thought or what they said. Satan wants it to sting. Also, usually there is a deeper problem that the recent hurt just exposes, now I am not trying to analyze any situation or anybody, remember this is my personal experiance. So when we are hurt again usually it is because what was said was close to what we were already upset about or hurt about initially. This is where communication comes in to play. Matthew 18 deals with this specifically and for good reason, God knows how we are. We have to be careful not to say "I won't tell them because they will not care" because then we are judging there attitude and on a bigger scale judging the Lord's work on that person's life as well. God may already be dealing with that person and that is something we never know unless we embrace Matthew 18. Now don't get me wrong Matthew 18 is hard to do especially if you do not like confrontation because initially it may be. But if both individuals are saved and both have a desire to work it out than the relationship will become stronger because of it. And most of the time we find it is usually not as bad as we thought. Satan wants to destroy relationships, he wants to isolate us and our feelings, but remember that is not of God. Your family is one of the most active families in our church so guess what, you and your family walk around with a big bullseye on your back for Satan and his legion. The more active you are in kingdom building the more active Satan is in taking you out and making you innefective. I say this everyday outloud before I walk into the church office "New levels, bring new devils" and that is true in every life of a Christ follower. the more we do the more we are attacked. If we are isolated we are innefective, if we are united then we are an Army for the Cross. So please deal with this situation asap, I have experianced the process in my own life after isolation becomes desolation. It takes dedication and determination to get through it but with God all things are possible. One last thing You also mentioned church being happy now and your not. Identify what is stopping your happiness and adress those issues it will help to. I will be praying for you everyday at 9:00 a.m. until it is resolved.
your friend in Christ,
Andy
I could not find spell check sorry:)also I tried to post one sooner and it vanished, so if it comes up twice sorry.